We're still moms.

There's been something on my mind (among why the effing hell it was 80 degrees yesterday and snowing today) and I keep meaning to address it, but I keep getting lost in whatever it is I get lost in on any given day. I haven't updated my blog in a couple days, so while sitting here trying to think of something amazing to post about (which frankly isn't going to happen unless I suddenly poo gold bricks or something), I remembered the something that has been on my mind.

New moms. Moms of toddlers. Moms of pre-schoolers. For whatever reason, this distinguishable bracket seems to have the mommy market cornered in the great blogosphere. And not just there, but nearly every popular parenting site and every parenting magazine is promoted and geared exclusively towards the new motherhood conglomerate. I realize much of this is due to the fact that it's new and exciting and scary and parents are constantly inundated with questions and concerns. What does green poop mean? What do I do if my son's first word is 'shit'? I haven't had sleep in 23.6 months...help!

But because so much of the parenting focus is centralized on the brand new members of the world, I feel as though moms of older children (notice I didn't say 'older moms'..) get left out of the motherhood mix. Admittedly, some of this is self-inflicted. Lets be honest: we've been there done that. And frankly, talking about cloth diapers, breastfeeding, and spit up doesn't interest me anymore. I don't give a crap about potty training or the best shows on Nickelodeon. But that doesn't mean I don't care about motherhood -that we don't care about motherhood. It doesn't mean we don't have thoughts and contributions and our own sets of concerns and questions. But the shift in parenting focus changes the motherhood game. What happens is this Great Parenting Divide, almost pitting one side against the other: new versus old.

True fact: Mom's of older kids have a wealth of information, but it's often ignored because, you know, we can't possibly relate to current times and trends in parenting. And because our lives don't revolve around baby and toddler milestones, we're kind of discounted.

Here's the thing: parenting isn't infinitely easier when you're dealing with older kids, but some of it is. And true, it is very different. I don't have to worry about late night feedings or potty training. I don't freak out over developmental milestones or play dates gone bad. Best of all, my kids can wipe their own asses and do their own dishes! But the concerns we have -the new things we do deal with- are the things that turn the hair gray....because our children's lives are no longer solely in our hands. They're out there...in the scary wide world, mixing with other children and other parents and other lessons. They spend so much time out of my sight, either at school or at school functions or outside playing or at friends houses. I now have to rely on everything I've done up until now and hope that I haven't royally fucked up. I have to bank on the fact that I've instilled some good lessons so that they're out there making smart decisions. It's scary as hell. Not just that, but some of the parenting is so much more difficult. When they're younger, we're protecting them from physical bumps and bruises. When they're older, their "owies" run much deeper and have such a profound effect on them. We can't always see those bumps and bruises and we damn sure can't always protect them.
It's an entirely new parenting game.

Oh, and don't think the tantrums end at 3. HA! Oh, there's a slight hiatus, but they make an ugly vengeful return. Instead of dealing with the tantrums of a 2 year old, I deal with tantrums of a 13 year old. Let me tell you, I think it might be worse. I mean, at 2 you expect tantrums. The fact that a toddler is limited in vocalization doesn't help in defusing them, but their inability to communicate might actually be better than your 13 old talking back or arguing or saying something that makes you long for the days when you could put her in a crib, shut the door, and a walk away.

Then there's puberty and school work and teaching responsibility/accountability, and friend drama, and divvying up chores, dealing with sibling fighting, dealing with talking back as they try to assert themselves and find their voice, dealing with bully's, mending broken hearts, and soooo much more. Our parenting roles shift and take on a new face, but we're still 100% in the mix. That never ends. And sure, if you Google you can find an article here or there geared towards parenting tweens and teens. Sure, there are plenty of books. But finding groups, finding friends, is so much more difficult for moms of older kids.

The point is, we're still moms. We still crave support systems and seek friendships with other moms going through the same, or at least similar, things. For instance, the daughter has boobs now. WTF?! and when did that happen?! Who can I share this horrible news with?! (Well, besides you, internet. *wink*)
With so much primary focus on new moms, we ..*eh hem*.. experienced pros get forgotten and often seem unrelate-able, even though we've been through nearly everything every newer mother has or will go through. It becomes an isolating place to be at times. I feel it constantly.

This isn't so much a "woe-is-me" post. Okay, it sort of is. But mostly, it's a reminder to the whole wide nets (I hope they're paying attention) not to dismiss or forget that moms with older kids are equals in motherhood. Really, we're not some foreign group far removed from what it means to be a mom. We're just a little more experienced.